Four years ago, my youngest son came into the world unexpectedly and without us knowing if he would be alive.
It was October 2020, full-blown Covid. I went to my 36 week appointment the day after having an ultrasound to check on the baby due to my gestational diabetes. At the ultrasound, the baby looked great and was healthy but was breech so I knew at this appointment today we will be discussing a C-section. But other than that, having seen the baby the day before I was not concerned. I left for my appointment breezily telling my husband I’ll be there for about a half an hour just yelling good-bye to my kids as I knew I’d be back soon. Of course, as it goes, that’s not how it went. When I got to my appointment, my OB was listening to the heart of my baby and was shocked to hear that the heart was decelerating. I was advised to pop over to Labour And Delivery at Oakville Trafalgar Hospital so they could give a better listen. My doctor was sure this couldn’t be right and everything would be fine, as my ultrasound was great yesterday. I phoned my husband on the way to the hospital and told him I’d be a little bit longer than planned. I then gave my mom a quick call and asked if she had her bag packed. She was driving from London, so I wanted her to be prepared, but again we would not need her today. This was all going to be sorted out in the next hour. I went to the hospital and was hooked up to machines to check on baby and within minutes, my room was full of nurses. Next thing I knew, the OB working was in my room telling me that the baby had to come out immediately and I should call my husband. I called my husband as I was being wheeled down the hall to be prepped for surgery. Silently crying, fearing for the well-being of my baby and fearing for my own safety, particularly after not kissing my children goodbye. I tried to explain to my husband that I was fine. He just needed to get the kids to the neighbours and then to the hospital safely. There was no rush.
My husband arrived in the OR as they were pulling the baby out of me. We heard the baby cry (a huge relief) but he was rushed to the NICU immediately. We then transferred to a hospital where he would be put on a ventilator. He was in the NICU for about a week. Because it was Covid and I was not able to nurse him as he was on a ventilator, the nurses determined that I was unable to stay at the hospital with him. Leaving my baby at the hospital, driving away, not knowing if he would be held, not knowing how we would do through the night, made me feel as though my heart was being pulled up through my throat. In the end, we were one of the lucky families in that NICU. My son my slowly made gains and despite some scares, he is now thriving for a four-year-old.
After this incident, I was in a state of shock and stress for a very long time. Not only was the situation extremely scary, but due to Covid. I was very alone for a very long time. I had to work through the grieving and healing process of this without the support of friends and family around.
I think most of us are familiar with the term post traumatic stress where people are stipend by their trauma . But are you familiar with post traumatic growth? Post traumatic growth is where people who have endured stress in their lives or a particularly stressful situation come out on the other side stronger. The characteristics of people who are able to turn stressful situations into catalysts for growth are people who share qualities such as gratitude, kindness, hope, bravery, and often people who are religious. The good news is, is that these traits can be developed and being aware is the first step.
How do you face stress? Do you grow? Do you run? If you are interested in accessing resources to help develop a mindset that helps you grow through difficulties check out my free downloads.
Leave a Reply